i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
