how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
