Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
