Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize