I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
