So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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