There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
