I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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