I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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