I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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