If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
