so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
