Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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