I can tuck mytits in my pants
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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