i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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