I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
