clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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