I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
