You just made me feel so damn special
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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