come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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