Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
