so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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