i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My ATM looks so different sober.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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