the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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