he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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