Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
