shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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