Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
