Will you blow on my dice?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
