Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
