I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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