I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
