Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
