dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
