I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
