ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
