So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
