I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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