i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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