I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
