Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
