u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
