they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
