Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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