I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
