Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
