Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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