NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
