You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
