Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
