My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
