All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
