I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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