Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
