i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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