I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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