Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
