Don't make out with my wife yet
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
