Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
