i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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