OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
