I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
