I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
