Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
