Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
