you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
