Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
