im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
