She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
