Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
