We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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