I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize