I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
