We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
is it fun? or sober?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
