mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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