Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize